Broken... for now.

Tell them to try to kindly understand. Whisper it or say it out loud. I’m bruised for now. We all have those moments where something hurts and stains our hearts, we all know too well that the stains take longer to wash away than the event itself. The stain will come out with regular washing but let me deal with the process of the wash. Tell them to understand that it’s my prerogative as to how long or how short of the minutes and hours I use to tick away my pain. Tell them to understand that my heart is as strong as a flower keeping itself sturdy through the pouring rain. Just like that flower, I will blossom and shine in the sun again.

They tell me: “It will be okay”. But have they lived through what I have? How would they know what I feel? Do they look into their mystifying round glasses to see the dreams and fears I hug so tightly to my heart? These are questions that no one can answer for another. So why do they judge me and those before me? What would they have done if they were in those situations? They are probably too proud to see through their lion’s mane at others struggling on their dusty path. If their hearts’ strings have never pulled to the exciting happiness and defeating sadness that I have, then why judge me?

Try to understand that my lost hopes and dreams will not be forever buried; it is just beneath the sandy surface. My flower’s roots will persevere through the dry dirt and revive itself through the pouring rain. My red heart stings for now. Kindly do not advise me about the healing process because yours and mine are strictly unique. Sympathize with my heartbreaking experience but do not at any time feel that you have the right to tell me how to feel. Do not compare one tragedy with another; you will be making a murky mistake.

The pieces of my puzzle are scattered for now but I will place them back together again. When we look at one another, we need to understand that sometimes we don’t understand. We don’t have a certain clue about what another has dealt with and why they dealt with it in they in which they have. The Almighty has placed an obstacle course on earth in which only the toughest survive. My obstacle course has been trying but I’m prepared to battle it out until the end to the best of my awesome ability. 

Who are “they” may you ask? “They” are those judging individuals who do not pause to see their parents’, children’s, siblings’, families’ or friends’ black tears. “They” think that they could have done it better. Whatever the circumstance of “it” may be. “They” are those individuals that take my heartache and make it about “them”. My tears have streamed so heavily before my eyes, blurring my vision so that I can’t see my hands before me. So ask yourself: Why do you make it about you?

Tell them from me that I thank them from the bottom of my fractured heart for their silent support. Please let them know that from my well-built fort I’ve concealed myself here to remain intact. It allows me to force myself to keep believing that I’ll always be “tough enough”. Tell them to understand that some prefer ruthless thoughtless words as empathy to let them put their foot on the petrol of their lives. Some prefer many to envelope them and seal them off from their own thoughts whilst they swim in a sea of others’ opinions as a means for their inescapable escape whilst some prefer the motivational speech which speaks to their overwhelming sorrow.

Kindly let them know that the well-needed wash is in progress. I’m shattered for now; my life’s collage has been broken… for now. Like the slow drip-drip of raindrops in an old cup, I will regain the strength I’ve momentarily lost. With an extra amount of special Vanish my emotional scars will disappear with time but never will the stain be forgotten. Let them know I’ll rise again as tall as a mountain and I’ll bathe in the shiny sun as my flower undergoes its majestic metamorphosis and truly unfolds.